Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Flagrant Flatulence: Thoughts on Natural Gas

No, not "fragrant" - I said "flagrant", and I mean it.  The incidence of people publicly letting loose a fart, windy puff or natural gas bomb, whatever you want to call it, is alarming.  And where such a spew used to be a guaranteed source of embarrassment and ostracism, it now has perversely become a source of pride, even adulation in some circles.  So please, move away from me when you "let one".  I myself always try to find an empty aisle in the grocery store, or move out onto the deck at a dinner party, and almost always roll down the window of the car when the urge is unstoppable - at least in mixed company.  (Of course, inevitably some poor slob turns the corner and enters that grocery store aisle or follows me out onto that deck to admire the view just as I've left but - hey, I've at least tried to show some decorum and mitigate the situation.)  And I never light my natural gas with a match as my college roommate inevitably used to do during Hockey Night in Canada.  What people don't realize is that this naturally-occurring aerosol is not just gas, it also can't help but contain particulate matter, minute chunks of that which created the gas in the first place, so above all don't let loose a windy puff into your favorite cushion - they don't get laundered once a week like your boxers!