Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Washington Post Invitational, Part 2

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.  And the winners are:
1. Coffee: The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted: Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade: To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Negligent: Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
6. Lymph: To walk with a lisp.
7. Balderdash: A rapidly receding hairline.
8. Testicle: A humorous question on an exam.
9. Rectitude: The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
10. Circumvent: An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.