Monday, November 1, 2010

Laptops and the Family Jewels

It's official.  Two separate studies - one in Toronto and the other in Argentina - have shown that laptop computers can lead to the decreased motility of sperm, ie. the little beggars don't swim as quickly and robustly to their egg destination, with predictable results on human fertility.  Now, regular readers of this space will note that I have twice previously commented on the delicate nature of the family jewels and how: a) wearing clothes elevated their temperature about 4 degrees thus unleashing a wave of gene mutations back in the caves, and b) the established paucity of male human babies both near Sarnia, Ontario, oil refineries - and lately of male fish babies in northern Alberta rivers near the tar sands.  (You will note that the latter I consider a real problem - as opposed to the dead ducks that get all the headlines for picking the wrong pond on their way south for the winter.)  Whether it's the heat from the laptop, or other radiation emanating therefrom, the findings of these two early studies were sadly predictable.  If heat is the problem (another 3 degree hike, I believe), it's probably not a concern for the ladies in our audience, however, if it turns out to be something else in the ether then both sexes will have to start sitting at the table to use their Macs instead of using them on their "laps".  Click below to read more, and watch for the specialized undies ads that I predict will ensue.