Wednesday, November 24, 2010

TSA: Touching & Scoping Administration

As a card-carrying member of the "No Rads For My 'Nads" camp (see my earlier post on the subject), the alternative to being scoped is being groped.  Either way, you guys are going to have your bag checked, regardless of age or infirmity.  For those of you not on my email list, herewith a selection of Transportation Security Administration (or is that Team Sexual Assault?) slogans:
- Grope Discounts Available
- If we did our job any better we'd have to buy you dinner first.
- Don't worry.  My hands are still warm from the last guy.
- We handle more packages than UPS.
- We handle your bag with care.
- Have we touched your kid today?
- Putting the T&A into Security.
- Exercising Our Freedom to Touch.
- Fly the Fondled Skies.
- The Terrorists Have Already Won.
But seriously, the last one is what concerns me.  IMHO, profiling passengers or requiring extensive background checks is nowhere near as objectionable as sexual assault.  I'll leave that one for the lawyers, but if my 2 year-old toddler got strip-searched because I tried to protect him from unknown and probably excessive radiation doses I'd have the security official charged with sexual assault.  And you can bet that these "pat downs" will not be universally applied.  I can hardly wait until I'm in the security queue and visible minorities from foreign lands get a more cursory frisking in order to avoid trampling their rights, while the rest of us succumb like sheep.  Baa, baa.