Saturday, December 4, 2010

A Convenient "Mallady"

Roughly twenty-five years ago my right knee was bugging me so much that I nearly needed to be rescued twice in one year; once from a long descending summertime hike in Waterton Lakes National Park and once from a relatively short winter hunting expedition out here too.  The upshot was my referral to a knee specialist in the city, who I must say was singularly unimpressive for a variety of reasons - not the least of which was an obviously erroneous diagnosis.  At any rate I figured out the problem myself (I am not without medical training and common sense, though some might dispute the latter) and have learned to live with it.  In the intervening years I have even discovered a beneficial side to my malady, that being I can only spend about one hour, thirty-two minutes and fifteen seconds in a shopping mall before that knee starts to ache excruciatingly.  (I'll not speculate here about whether excruciate and cruciate - as in knee ligament - are etymologically linked, but it would seem so at first blush.)  Shopper's Knee, I call it.  A heretofore unknown "mallady".  Must be the jarring on the concrete I warrant, unless the accumulated body odor of the masses can set it off somehow.  (Hey, a knee jerk reaction to B.O., well it's possible!)  And every year about this time I thank Buddha that Dr. Dipstick didn't fix (or even find) the problem.  Now if I can just convince my wife that Mr. Knee requires at least two weeks to recover before re-entering "the mall that has it all" I'll consider myself truly delivered.