Sunday, June 26, 2011

Classiest Insults of All Time, Part 1

These glorious insults are from an era before the Mother Tongue descended to 4-letter words....

The classic exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband, I'd give you poisoned tea."
He answered, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Prime Minister Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." 
"That depends, Sir", said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy" - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
                     - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one."
  - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."- Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." -  Kip Adota

TODAY'S GOOD NEWS:  Part 2 is ready to publish, watch for it.