Wednesday, July 6, 2011

You Have Two Cows

You have two cows.  Your neighbour has none.  You feel guilty.  You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.
You have two cows.  Your neighbor has none.
So what?
You have two cows.  The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.  You form a cooperative to help him manage his cow.
You have two cows.  The government seizes both and provides you with milk that you wait in line for hours to get - only to find it is expensive and sour.
You have two cows.  You sell one, take a chance, buy a bull, and hope to build a herd of cows.
You have two cows.  Under the new farm program, the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.  You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead.  You spin an announcement to analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.  Your stock goes up.  You retire rich and decide to go into government to do "public service".
You have two cows.  You go on strike because you want three cows.  You go to lunch and drink wine.  Life is good.
You have two cows.  You redesign them so they are half the size of an ordinary cow and produce four times the milk.  They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.  Most are at the top of their class at cow school, which they go to six days a week.
You have two cows.  You engineer them so they are all blond, drink beer, give excellent quality milk, and perform with precision.  Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
You have two cows.  But you don't know where they are.  You break for lunch.  Life is good.
You have two cows.  You drink some vodka.  You count them and you have five cows.  You drink some more vodka.  You count them again and now you have 10 cows.  The Mafia shows up and you have zero cows, with or without vodka.
You have two cows.  Everyone votes for the best looking one.   Some of the people who actually like the brown one accidentally vote for the black one.  Some people vote for both.  Some people vote for neither.  Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
You have two million cows.  They make real California organic cheese.  Only half speak English.  Most are illegal.  Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
You have two cows.  They are polite, bilingual, and moo for royals, eh?
- with thanks to GoneSouth

TODAY'S GOOD NEWS:  Out Here ours are brown, black, and black whiteface.  That's three.